a note that reminds...

Final Post

2010-06-29T20:34:00.005+08:00

Well it's been a long while since i post something on my blog.. well i guess this is it, it's gonna be a last post..

i started up this blog sometime in 2008, it is to mark ever single steps i took in my life and so on.. however, as laziness kicks in and busy spells, my blog seems dead.. hence, today i shall officially annouce it closed, but before that, i would like to dedicate my whole blog to people that afeected my life positively.

to my Famly, u r e core pillars of my life... w/o e both of u, i will nt b who i am.. i gt admit, at times, we hv conflicts in our thinking or behaviours but, i still love u all... i'm sorry that i could onli say those words in blog as i dun feel comfortable saying in upfront.. dad, despite all e past mistakes u hv done, i'm still willing to forgive u n start talking to u.. i hv built a barrier btw e both of us.. but, if u wan i'm willing 2 smash it apart, but if onli u want.. mum, thanks for being such a wonderful parent.. no words can express my love for u.. 21 years of my life, rain or shine, u hv been there for me.. juggling btw ur work n mi.. u always put mi up front.. really thankyou

to Montfort people, thanks for staying by my side all these years.. though we came from various backgrounds, families, classes, schools, etc we r still bonded together.. i have 2 say as time goes by, people change and ya sometimes, our character may not suit each other.. however, i guess its fate ba, we've been thru so much, and to jus say goodbye, its really a vry difficult task..

to SP people, although we onli knw each other like 5 yrs (excluding justin), i got 2 say, we may nt be tt close as our own cliques, but we r somehow mystically bonded by dunno wad lol... thanks for those occasional meet ups n chit chat session.. thankyou for helping me when i'm in need of help wif my r/n life...

to Innova people, yea life in jc is crap.. but we made e crap crapier.. well i'm really fortunate to be able to knw such ppl in life.. seriously they made my life in innova enjoyable and they made every outings a guai lan one because of the way we crapwif e ppl.. like how we spent 10 mins to place mac delivery order, like how we go hunt for chio bu, like how we watch winx club movie in e cinema.. lol

to EAI people, seriously, i feel at home when i'm at eai.. i gt 2 admit tt eai gave me a brand new perspective towards life, towards e things i love, towards e way i feel.. dun worry, its not any councilling organising.. its a music sch in fact.. a music sch wif beautiful memories that none of us will ever forget... i still rmb in 2007, when i first joined, i was skeptical initially, as its located somewhere near construction areas.. however, 3 years hv past, i nv regret joining.. apart frm learning knowledge abt music etc, e most impt thing abt eai was they make me feel wanted.. i was a super low confident guy, someone who doesnt dare 2 even talk 2 ppl.. eai changed mi, eai gave mi e confident, they gave mi life knowledges.. most importantly, they taught mi e importance of loving music... music has always been in my life.. since young, music nv leaves mi.. neither did music leaves anybody.. my mum sends mi 2 eat because she wans mi 2 finish her dream of singing.. i will nv forget all these.. soon eai gave mi chances to performe on stage, to experience backstage life now, i've reached my goal which is to b a producer n an instructor for eai.. i really hope tt i could share e beautiful events n experiences music has always been providing us.. thankyou eai for making mi a changed person..

to BMTC and Airforce people, i got 2 admit, u guys r e newest cliques i met in my life.. both in Tekong n Tengah.. i hv 2 say w/o all of u my life in army would b in hell.. thankyou for all e moments spent while i'm in camp or outside...

Alright guys, doubt anyone will be reading it though.. yea that's all folk this is e end of my blog.. i will leave it n hopefully in a few years time, i will start writing again.. :)

Goodbye

55th post

2009-04-19T23:48:00.003+08:00

its been a long while liao.. hmm sorry guys, been lazy 2 update.. well not really gotten over wif my a lvl result.. still live in fear of not going uni.. but seriously hope tt i could get into one.. i need a degree for my future.. really hope i have one please..

nowadays my sat nite r pack wif eai's event.. there's a major concert coming up tis yr end.. its really a big one as we really spent lots n lots of time discussing abt it.. its really tiring but its all worth it.. last sat dennis lao shi was tellin us abt how tough was it to do music.. how lonely he felt.. i understood how he feel n really feel vry sad over it.. i myself do feel lonely often.. hai its e way i think n e way i does work.. hai i'm always think on e bad side of life.. i really need a change.. but on e other hand i ask myself am i useless to e society? wad worth do i have? i'm a trouble-maker i'm someone who worries alot someone who is easily go depress.. i'm nothin but trouble.. so y shld i b here in e first place?? everybody hv their own meaning n defination to b here.. but do i?? i doubt so..

54th post

2009-03-08T10:09:00.002+08:00

got back my a lvl result.. rather a mixed feeling.. my h2 i got BBC but my gp fail.. hai felt damn sian n disappointment.. thanks for all e encouragements... i need time 2 stand up or rather jus 2 even sit up straight... but seriously i hope i'll b fine.. i've lost my smile i've lost happiness... i knw its stupid but seriously i'm tryin 2 alter my emotions.. its a blow a big blow 2 mi in my life.. i dunno how but i'm tryin 2 face it.. i'm sorry guys but i guess for awhile i wont b e same me again or rather i may nv b e same me.. many thoughts hv been going thru my head uni will they accept mi? i really hope so seriously.. i hv not been sleepin well for nights.. i keep askin am i stupid? am i dumb? y cant i pass a simple stuff... i'm useless.. jus die n forget me... hai.. i wonder how long can i control b4 i really break down.. tryin 2 hide my emotions away.. hai

53rd post

2009-03-02T19:21:00.001+08:00

Well.. its cfm tis fri e result will b release.. stress!!! stress!!! i seriously dunno how 2 face it peacefully.. jus hope for e best.. really dunno la felt vry hum abt it.. like suddenly i'm like omg!!! e pressure is worst den last yrs.. seriously let me do well n get on.. really do hope..

52th post

2009-02-22T01:56:00.003+08:00

well came home aft sending naph off to aus.. all e best there!!! thanks everyone for e concert regarding my appendix.. i'm ok alr.. thanks :)

well there's many prob wif mi.. i guess i really hv 2 let go of alot of things.. e more i hold on n ponder e more depress i've got... honestly i tot tt i've recovered frm my depression.. but in fact i guess its back again.. i wan 2 let go i wan my head 2 stop thinkin of stupid stuff but how?? there's an angel n a devil in my head.. both fighting both talkin both giving valid points.. who am i? what am i? get out of my head both of u..

i fear tt if my mental strength is not strong i might really go mad.. hai!!!

51th post

2009-02-02T22:14:00.003+08:00

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG very vexed.. i'm caught in e middle of many stuff!!! i wan 2 let go!!! i stress over many stupid minor stuff tt caused mi to feel damn sian... had some prob over ns stuff.. but e worst is e fact tt i think i'm fat... so i try 2 reduce my intakes n also skip meals...

but i didn't knw tt by doin so i've caused troubles onto my own health.. last nite had a great pain in my stomach tt caused mi 2 stay awake e whole day.. den seen a doc n he told mi tt my appendix is inflamed.. now if by tml e pain still stays on or as long as i have fever... i will hv 2 go for operation immediately... no i dun 1 2 go for op.. its not e pain tt matters but e money etc... hai now i'm stuck.. how can i reduce wt n stay healthy??? hai all blame myself for being so greedy in e past tt caused mi 2 b in such a state now... hai

stress is killing mi.. in ns i always feel dread n sian over it.. i always feel tt i'm being looked down.. well e fact is tt i cant find any reason 2 feel proud of my vocation.. even though its jus 2 yrs but i wan it 2 b e most meaningful.. but now it cant... plus my a lvls result is one tt can kill mi... i really hope i can do well tis yr.. pls i really really hope.. i wan 2 get into local u...

i really hope tt e issue abt fren will nt stress mi.. please i cant take it anymore.

50th post

2009-01-18T23:28:00.003+08:00

well time really flies.. turn ur head arnd, i'm 20 tis yr.. seriously i'm super not use 2 it.. but i guess we all got to grow someday be it age, character, thinking or actions.

jus came hm aft a chat wif my sec sch frens.. i guess times change esp when we talked abt how hougang (hg) hv change.. in e past orchard, somerset, dhoby ghuat is like a heaven to us.. cos there's no NEL thus, to town is rather inaccessible.. thus we always spend our time in hg.. we walked in e rain we always go kopitiam n chat n we often go 2 e highest lvl in hg mall 2 sit n see girls.. lol tts was e past n tts e funnest part of my life... we prank each other we play bball tgt, get into trouble n also we always meet up 2 buy b'day present for each n every one of us.. like lam's war craft 3 expansion set.. my pencil case..

however time hv changed.. now 2 town is so easily accessible.. everything hv 2 change n we hv 2 grow up.. we really miss those days whr we do anythin n w/o stress etc.. no i understand y alot of ppl say tt sec life is e best of all.. now i understand.. because its when e transition frm teenager 2 adult.. its when emotional, physical changes sparked off.. its a period whr we undergo lots of stuff n grow frm it..

nevertheless, sec frens r impt.. jc ones too.. they also helped mi along e way in my 2 yrs.. although its short but its still meaningful too.. thinkin of e class chalet we been to.. really bring back lots of memories.. of course tis includes all e gd frens i met along e way such as emage de ppl.. they make mi knw wad i wan n whr i'm goin.. also they change my thinkin chage e way i'm n keep on encouraging mi when i'm down.. plus e time spent in sp n ocbc also allow mi 2 knw many gd frens tt will nv forget... also mus thank carol for all e time spent on mi as well as e pain n hardship u been thru.. plus others tt helped mi along e way as well... thankyou

luckily in ns.. met some really nice ppl tt make my life not as sian as possible.. thanks everyone.. there are too many ppl to thank to little time 2 spare.. i really wish for time 2 stop n let mi treasure more time wif all of my frens.. really sorry tt i cant always b there.. but trust mi.. i'll always b ur fren n help u when in need.. : )

49th post

2009-01-05T23:51:00.003+08:00

well.. concert is finally over.. but ya hope tt its a beginning for all of us in e journey of music.. honestly its rather sian aft e concert.. cos didnt do well.. n that on stage nervous n flat flat flat!! hai but honestly on stage e feeling is superb!!! lol rather fun n interesting... well i hv 2 admit this concert changes my life alot.. it allows mi 2 b more fang n 2 b more daring in terms of performance... in e past i fear of like acting kua zhang.. but aft tis concert i feel tt e more u reserve e worst effect it will get... lol plus tis whole concert i met many new frens such as sebas, tom, simu, dan dan, yan yan, lu lu.. they r all fun guys n girls... well i guess due to tis concert my r/n wif eai hv improve alot... been goin for their gathering etc.. in fact they r fun ppl 2 b wif.. although production is stress work.. but they can hv fun in production too... well i guess i hv 2 get rid of nervous in order 2 do well...

hahaha finally my a lvl is over.. but STRESS is attacking mi due to e results.. although e result is not out yet.. but wa felt vry stressful!!!!!!!!!!!!! hai... hope hope i can do better n get into e course i wan.. jus hope... now its rather sian at hm so decided 2 take up night classes.. hahaha i'm learning french now... n wa its tough lol real tough... hahaha e structure of e word is totally diff frm eng.. lol wonder did i made e wrong choice.. lol

48th post

2008-12-01T21:41:00.002+08:00

well.. major changes for e concert... firstly kelyn n justin pulled off.. well honestly e impact is damn big!!! cos e beat box short of 1 guy n e dance sort of i girl.. i mus say although we may b not vry impt but tis hv shown tt each n everyone of us have a great impact on e grp... i knw i dun deserve 2 comment but by seeing how dennis, veron, jessie n many of us put in so much effort it really touch my heart... mus work hard for this concert...

well anyway dennis added 8 new members into e grp.. well he wanted us 2 feel tt he hv not given hope on us yet n that he wants it 2 b something impactful 2 us... well i mus say they r gd damn freaking gd.. so gd tt when they sing i totally got a shock stunned n stressed up..

e fact tt i'm e lousest among all in terms of vocal greatly pressure me alot cos its like i often feel that i'm not qualified enough yet... well i guess no matter wad i mus try my best.. although i do knw wad type of person i wan 2 b on stage n how i will be showcasing my talents.. but den jus hope tt e lack of vocal quality dont pull mi down.. pls pls..

anyway that's all for now.. concert on 3 jan.. its not a grand things but its a chance for us 2 try n expose 2 different things...

47th post

2008-11-16T16:25:00.002+08:00

its been a long long time since i've blogged... well been really busy with my a lvls... finally its over soon le.. well hopefully tis time round i'll do better n get into a uni course... hai... my parent quarreled again... now they r on e verge on divorcing.. really dunno how to do or help them... hai... wad is this man... y do i deserve all these shit...

46th post

2008-09-30T23:49:00.003+08:00

well.. i guess its been a long long time since i've blog.. admit been very busy with work studies n rehearsals... hey brothers.. sorry for unable to join u all due to rehearsals... well concert date is either on e 29 or 30 nov... jus hope tt can get thru it n hope that it opens more avenues for mi... well been thru alot since e last post...

in work, my working r/n been improving... able to mix into e community except for some ppl... but ya that's life... lol quite please wif e ppl there... in fact some r quite fun... haha

rehearsal hv reached 2 a point whr its tiring but i admit not going for rehearsal will cause an empty feeling... hai dunno wad is what...

well i'm super stress over a lvl... get it over n done... no more!!!!!!!!!! please bless that i can get into e course i want.. please....

thinkin back.. i do miss e days tt we were still tgt... e fun n laughter... i wonder how r u now... we r like strangers alr... i knw i owe u alot n till now i cant repay... in fact shades of memory will come to mi as n when.. i dunno y really.... well i wish u all e best if u r reading tis post... but i doubt u will ba... u r living well w/o mi now.. so i will b happy for u...

45th post

2008-08-15T21:56:00.006+08:00

Its been a while since i've blogged. i must admit, i'm rather busy juggling my studies with my commitment in the national service. thus, i had to sacrifice many things that i enjoy most. Today, had a sudden urge to pose 1 video which personnally i do feel very incline to it.

44th post

2008-07-18T18:55:00.002+08:00

well.. its been a long time since i've blogged.. time flies.. i'm now serving my ns alr.. whr "boys became men" today while on my way home i pass by my jc.. suddenly e tots of e past came back...i miss my jc days, my sec days n many many things...

during my sec days.. i met many brothers.. during my jc days i met some good frens whr we joke arnd wif teachers etc.. in ocbc i met my pri sch fren n some new colleges.. in eai i met wif good musicians n buddies.. in sp i met up wif a buntch of friendly people.. seriously i do miss them i do miss those days..

now in army i guess things wont b as fun as e past alr..

HEY THANKYOU ALL MY FRENS FOR SUCH WONDERFUL TIME THANKS!

43th post

2008-07-01T22:34:00.001+08:00

well.. i would like to say a big big THANK YOU!!! to u guys for celebrating my birthday... time flies... now 19 tis yr.. well hope for e bst for my a lvl ba...

42th post

2008-06-27T23:56:00.002+08:00

well.. its been a long while since i've blogged.. nth much changed.. jus tt now posted 2 airforce... well hopefully things will go on well... n e rest jus leave it up 2 fate... tis yr going 2 re-take my a lvls.. hopefully really hope tt i can do well... hope jus hope.. although i'm vry stress... but hope ba..

well.. i'll b havin a concert on sep 13... well i'll b doin many diff things that i've nv tried b4.. hope tt its smth special..

41th post

2008-06-16T00:07:00.003+08:00

well.. jus heard many things frm my mum... hai my cousin, heard that she's been abuse by her mum... come 2 think abt it she's onli pri 2 n her mum whack her head n slap her like nobody business.. come on la where's e so call mother love... unless she's tryin 2 tell mi tt hittin is a form of loving??? i cant jus sit here n do nth.. i guess i really hv no choice n i really need 2 gather info n help my cousin.. she will go crazy if it continues tis way.. i had my experiences b4 wif my dad.. so i really dun 1 her 2 suffer... wth is there any fairness?? she is like 7 or 8 yrs old n she need 2 suffer e same fate as how i've been thru.. its painful esp if that scar was being inflicted during tis age... but wad can i do?? i cant jus confront esp when i dun hv any proof... neither can i sit n wait for her 2 die... yes i'll talk 2 all my cousins n see how but there's still lack in authority... pls jus hoping for an ans or a hint or jus some suggestion that could alleviate e pain on my cousin...

40th post

2008-06-15T10:19:00.003+08:00

hmm... finally my trip in tekong come 2 an end.. lol wonder is it a good thing actually... but i mus thanks those guys that made my life in tekong an enjoyable one.. whr we suffer together etc... well aft my passing out, went 2 genting wif haojie n mingtai.. lol that was also one hell lot of fun.. wahaha esp whr we water parade while playin decks... also got ppl ask whether do we need girls!! lol does being botak seem desperate??? lol also watched hulk there haha e cinema quality really cmi.. but 1 thing i like is that e seat is osim.. omg its damn shiok... hmm other den that nth really much le.. wahaha

39th post

2008-05-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

well.. its been awhile since i blog.. hmm lets start wif personal life in the army.. i injured my hand today thanks for tt sprain... well jus book out today...

hmm while polishing wif boots i suddenly tot of smth.. i was lazy today so i decided 2 apply kewi (hope i get e spelin correct) den use wet tissue 2 wipe off... although it "shines", but its not as shining as my fren, cos aft he applied kewi on, he uses cloth wif water n wipe it off for like 1 hour.. until it shines like crazy... this proved 2 mi tt no matter wad i'm doin.. if i really 1 2 get things done, i'll do my best.. if not i doubt i wont b able 2 do well n make it...

well i've made a greatest decision of my life... but seriously i dunno whether tis decision is right or wrong... but i guess its...

38th post

2008-05-17T11:21:00.003+08:00

well, i'm out of tekong last nite... down wif fever.. many things happened during camp... hai many incidents tt lead mi 2 ponder whether its mi who's in e wrong or rather them? i wonder y seriously... anyway i'm emo-ing... when can these emo stop...

37th post

2008-05-10T18:17:00.005+08:00

well jus came back frm army.. well many things hv been goin thru my head... its nth 2 do wif ns thingy... its abt ...... i would jus say tt its tough 2 make any decision or 2 think abt it... i jus hv 2 blame myself for all tt hv happened... seriously if i could jus forget abt it... probably i would hv been more carefree now...

i guess no matter wad its hard 2 get out... hai its ok i will jus ......

pls let mi get a uni letter tt accepted mi into their courses.. pls pls

36th post

2008-05-01T00:39:00.004+08:00

well in e previous post i said tekong here i come... actually i REGRET wad i've said.. its tough... lol ok enough of e things i've said.. well how's life out there??? lol pls update mi?? haha

35th post

2008-04-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

hey... i'm going in to tekong on fri le... all u of my frens take care n if there's anything u all can look for mi at my 910 tt mobile... well jus hope tt i can hv a smooth life n also e decision i've made wont made mi regret in e future... take care everybody... tekong here i come!

34th post

2008-04-21T02:32:00.003+08:00

well tis few days hv been hell 2 me... so really need ur help on tis... would u give up a chance 2 hold a real gun for a slack vocation during ur 2 yrs in camp??? its ur onli chance 2 hold real gun!!! would u really give it up???

e other section i would dedicate to carol... i knw u hate mi alot i knw u detest mi alot.. i guess nth i say will help in any way anymore... i always tot i understand u... but in fact i didn't i guess i don't understand u at all...tts e reason y we hv resulted in such a terrible fate... i'm at fault i admit... i should not hv hung on u... its my mistake... sorry but if by leaving is e onli solution, please don't go, instead i'll leave. probably by leaving, u won't live in such miserable state. everything i've said n done its all pain n sufferings tt i've inflicted onto u... the word sorry is not enough 2 mend e pain n hurt tt hv been slashed onto ur heart. i dunno wad else i can said or do... because by doin anymore things, i'll b hurting u deeper... i'll leave instead.

33th post

2008-04-19T00:01:00.005+08:00

well its excatly 1 wk till my enlistment!!! excited?? nervous?? scared?? looking forward?? i dunno... many emotions hv been flowing thru.. well i hope for e best..

to sum up wad i did aft i left ocbc.. lol monday went 2 k box at marina wif shijie n eileen (emage's mates), tis is sort of 2 choose wad song 2 sing on sat's recordin... tuesday, went out wif leshan (innova's buddies) 2 amk hub for some archade n pool session cos i'm feelin rather low so she cheered mi up.. thanks alot leshan... wednesday went to meet up wif joseph, anne n limin (sp's pals) for a little gathering... we went 2 explore some play ground n also limin's hse... lol on thurs went out wif shijie n eileen 2 k box, well tis time round is rather serious meetin cos its how we coach each other n 2 correct each mistakes... friday went out wif lj, lam n nic (montfort's bro) 2 buy lj's mp3 n also my ear piece... lol we talked abt our sec lives its damn funny... totally miss these memories...

well i think i did spend my tis wk well b4 ns... thanks guys n gals...

well i may b "enjoying" but honestly i really wonder how hv u been. i hurt u alot but i'm serious abt e things i've said.

32th post

2008-04-13T21:05:00.003+08:00

well... its an emo time for me... i cant bear fire arms... hai

in chess if u moved e wrong move GONE!!! its hard for u 2 turn back... for me, i guess i moved the wrong move that killed e game...

well i guess they r right i should hv SHUT UP!!!... well but honestly aft they been into ns i kinda not used 2 their way... i mean for some (no offense bros) but i told myself cos its due to e surrounding... well in tt case i shall let surrounding decide then...i try not 2 say it out, its not because i'm scared or wad is jus tt i dun 1 2 go thru another nightmare where all of us in e grp suffers again... we had enough during sec whr many in our grp had conflicts b4... e feeling its very shit seriously...

went to some place today... n ok i got a shock by it... lol nvm its not wise to say it out either... lol

31th post

2008-04-07T19:47:00.002+08:00

let me tell a story abt a sand castle...

one day tis boy decided 2 walk by e beach... he starred at e sea of sands n told himself tt he decided 2 build a sand castle... however, he doesn't hv e equipment at all... but nevertheless, he tried using his hand, handphone n anythin he can find n try 2 build... one by one he slowly build it up... although he met wif failures, he persist on... well beside him, there's another boy who hv completed a magnificent castle...

wow! tis boy said to himself... n by lookin at his castle, he knew tt he can onli wish tt his castle would b as nice as his... but he continued building n building n hoping some miracle can occur so tt his sand castle can b as nice as e other guy... but i guess its all hope or rather onli dreams can let tis boy experience e success of building such a nice sand castle...

well i agree its rather boring when reading... i apologise but i jus 1 2 mark smth tt came into my mind when 1 day my memory failed completely on mi... although its fading now seriously fading... probably aft many incidents, my brain or rather mi choose wad 2 rmb n wad don't...

30th post

2008-04-04T00:56:00.003+08:00

well my dear comp down wif virus... luckly there's yl to help mi... lol phwee thanks yl... well nth 2 update anyway... well i guess i'll jus post n update when i hv new things...

hmm my college nearly pulled e last straw by askin y do i 1 2 leave so urgently... HELLO!!! I'VE TENDER FOR MORE DEN A WEEK N U FORGOT 2 TELL HR NOT MY PROB!!!... N I NEED TIME 2 STUDY NOT LIKE U.... wa i cant understand e stupid policy... wad is tis... if anybody 1 2 work there in my dept THINK AGAIN!!!

well busy studyin n also trainin for emage... really 1 2 do my best... lets hope!!!

29th post

2008-04-03T01:26:00.003+08:00

well... i got my ipod alr... well its rather nice n user friendly... well i guess tts e most ex gift i ever bought for myself...

done wif e uni stuff... phwee it hv been a horrendous month in march... but lucky its OVER!!!

hv 2 study hard... finished chem n econs le... movin on 2 physic... hahaha dun feel like re-take leh... dear god pls give mi a chance 2 go into e course i wan??? pls i dun 1 2 re-take...

28th post

2008-03-31T13:06:00.004+08:00

hmm well decided 2 blog smth abt wad i feel... seriously aft many of my frens went into ns things started 2 changed alot... in terms of their thinkin n also character... but there r some who remains as usual... but seriously i feel that ns although trained us but on e other hand it took away some of our thinking... probably that's e defination of "when boys became men."

ppl changes frequently.. in fact mi myself hv changed since sec sch... but some changes i feel is a bit too great... i admit i'm still not being used to e changes arnd... but i knw tt i'll hv 2 adapt n also prepare myself for ns as well...
its been awhile since we last chat... i admit there's still feelings but i doubt u will ever knw ba... is that really e end for us? or its jus a transition that awaits for the fruits 2 bear? i dunno i seriously dunno... i tried 2 numb myself but yet to no avail... tell me how long can i go on like tis???

27th post

2008-03-28T20:48:00.003+08:00

well i can joke wif u i can play wif u but 1 thing for sure when u cross tt line, i'll not like it, or rather i'll be extreme mad... i hate ppl putting words into my mouth i hate ppl accusing me... n wow u did tt...

if u r reading tis let me make known, i've my own thinking n principles, so stop using ur own pospective 2 force it on others... think abt e consequences faced by tt person... nobody is always rite n neither u shld think highly of urself...

one thing i regard u as a fren tts y i didn't 1 2 make it into a nasty scene jus now... but look if tis persist i'm sorry but to come clean wif u... so pls take it as i urged u... stop forcing me into ur stupid ideas that u hv thought off... if u ask mi am i mad, the ans will b a straight yes..

26th post

2008-03-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

wa...... i'm soooooo fed up wif e policy... wa lao by rite i jus need 2 give 1 week notice n i can go off... but now ok i've 2 stay until e replacement come... den nvm my agent told mi there's 1 alr but my college in change haven inform hr... wa dun like tt leh i really need time 2 study n train... pls... can hurry up n try 2 let mi go latest by next tue??? pls i really wan to go...

25th post

2008-03-25T12:42:00.002+08:00

hahaha.. ok its been awhile i've blog... lol well nth much happened jus tt i've quit n so waitin for my last day to arrive... lol need 2 study n also hv 2 go work out... prepare myself for ns... well although well workin met some qb person...bu i do made some frens.... well like e cleaners as well as some staff... ytd clara treat mi for lunch wif chin hwee... well actually didn't really help her much... but i guess tts wad we call good ppl...

well my bros r back 2 camp... some went sispec, technicain or navy... well lam n nic workin n lj still in police serving his bmt... n mi workin in e day n studyin in e nite... wa burn out sia...

hmm i guess lettin go of u is e best solution for e both of us... i admit i still harbour hopes of re-uniting but i mus come 2 my senses tt its all foolish thinkin... i dunno wad will happen 2 e both of us in future... but wad i do knw is tt, if we r together now there wont b happiness... take care n live happily, i'll learn how to let go...

24th post

2008-03-09T11:17:00.002+08:00

ok its been awhile aft gettin my a lvl result... i hv 2 say tis blow is big damn big to mi... even till now i still feel its effect... but one thing for sure tis time round i will bounce back n i will determine to go all out to achieve it...

hey carol... erm is tt ur final decision to leave? to remain as jus frens? hai if tts ur decision i guess i can onli respect it n wishin u all e best... u tried ur best all along... but sometimes love jus aren't enough i guess... take care n take care...

23th post

2008-03-08T09:29:00.003+08:00

sorry everybody... i'll b staying a distance frm u all for e moment... i just dun wish to add any burden to anybody...

thanks for all e concern given but e fact is tt i've done badly...

22th post

2008-03-07T09:48:00.003+08:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wad is tis few more hrs to e release of result n i still need 2 report for work..... stress stress seriously stress, stressing, stressed...

ytd went to see doc... well wont really 1 2 say but now i knw whr my prob lies...

all e best to myself n to others...

so can i assume tt u r serious wif ur words?

21th post

2008-03-06T13:04:00.001+08:00

i feel very very guilty... yes i admit tis job is tough n stress but den i also met up wif many people... but den i did smth vry bad... i lied, i lied 2 them tt i dunno when my enlistment date is... wad a grave sin... i heard praises but e more praises i hv e more guilt feeling i hv... pls pls pls tell mi wad can i do???
its tt e decision u really wan?

20th post

2008-03-05T15:12:00.005+08:00

hahaha... hmm decided 2 do some little blog... well its rather special as i'm bloggin in office... well nth special actually but den i seriously hardly or even i dun hv such a "special" chance 2 do so... well cos my supervisor well seem 2 hv many many many jobs available for mi... even if dun hv, she will still find 1 for mi...

well a lvl result is coming out tis fri... seriously e feeling of getting back results n like facing tt moment of truth is a torturing time for mi... i had once in my psle n e other in my o lvls so y do i hv 2 do it again!!! hai seiously i jus hope tt i can get into e course i wan... alright i admit sleepless nights hv alr haunted mi down.. well sleepin at 4 plus n waking up at 7 daily n hv 2 work... well done la... i'm like a walking vampire daily...

hmm well many things hv happened since e last post... let's say at emage (e.a.i)... well honestly i've lost touch of my learning tt all e teachers hv pass down... sorry really sorry.. my pitching is off, my tis is off, my tt is off hai so i guess i need 2 work hard n start frm zero again...

19th post

2008-02-27T21:44:00.004+08:00

hahaha... ok today shall blog abt things tt happened in e office... wa lao office is full of politics... so many diff views, diff ppl n best it tells mi alot of how adults behave... well as usual got task to do daily but 1 thing i cant stand is tt tis "supervisor" of mine (actually i doubt so either cos i checked her post... she's just a CLERK!!!)

well been busy now cos those high ranks ppl been givin mi jobs cos month end is here plus auditor is here too so kind of busy or rather hectic i would say... so when come hm will b quite tired so didn't exercise... but luckily my job is 2 run here n there n also carry files etc... so luckily there's still training... lol... anyway got 2 end her le...

18th post

2008-02-24T00:35:00.002+08:00

i decided to write a post abt carol... i mus admit when i'm writing tis post, tears start dripping n my heart sank... she's my first love n certainly its a wonderful love... we started out on 28 nov 2005... i mus say its my first time n i really dunno many things, i admit i'm childish i'm mcp i've a bad temper etc... but she jus she always be by my side tryin her best to change me trying her will to correct mi... its hard for her n she is not obliged to do so but she did because of, all because of one reason; she wants mi 2 b a better person, she is more mature den mi she is more understanding den mi tts y... yet often i let her down often i made her angry often i repeat my mistake agian... i always tot tt by being wif her (be it literally) n tts it... but in fact i wrong damn wrong i'm NOTHING really i swear... i caused many misunderstanding btw her n my ppl arnd mi i made her seem like she's e bad person no she isn't she definetely not... who dosen't hv temper??? its in born yet i kick out a fuss over it... she made a difference in my life, she made a better person out of mi... i may seem laughing arnd but 1 true fact i cant let her go i cant i dare swear i swear i really love her still... its my fault tt all of e prob hv occurred... thinkin back on 14 feb 2008... she waited for mi outside my office alone when e wind r blowing so hard she who is afraid of cold waited n waited for mi 2 give mi a surprise n yes she did... she cooked for mi she even bought a shaver for mi... yes to others it may seem nth but 2 mi it seem everything...now we jus had some prob few days ago n e progression of healing is nowhere near... but i jus wan 2 say if tis time i'm losing u forever... i wan 2 wish for all e blessing to fall on u... rmb when u found e other half... tell him nv to walk my path, tell him to treasure u well, tell him tt he made a right choice, tell him tt u r afraid of the cold, tell him tt u dont take spicy food, tell him tt u prefer him to stand on ur right side, tell him tt u love to be hug n hug him as well, tell him to joke wif u, tell him to encourage u to sing in front of him, tell tt u hate ppl spending money unnecessary, tell him tt u hate ppl to lie, tell him tt u hate ppl who act like a gangster, tell him tt u hate ppl who swear, tell him tt u always love ur piggy n ur baby, tell him tt on ur wedding day u would prefer not to hold a grand wedding dinner, tell him tt u hv thought of ur future children names, tell him to exercise wif u, tell him to take u to see dolphins... e lists jus keep goin on n on because i try 2 put everything every memories in my head but i knw nth everything can get in... but before i end tis i would request u to tell him tt in e world there's a fool a stupid fool named jeremy.

17th post

2008-02-20T20:24:00.003+08:00

haha... ok its been awhile while i blogged.. hmm now i'm settled into e workin environment so i'm much more at ease le... well its rather togh la initially but as i get e hold of it things get goin n i'm much more "free-er" as compared to e time when i jus started... but of course there's still mistakes n error...

well its really quite stressful sometimes cos i'm dealing wif loans frm big firms so i mus be extra extra careful n on time when doin things... but den its rather fun la but sometimes boring cos all e ppl arnd mi r all like 23 n above...although got 3 poly intern but den they sit damn far away frm my place so its rather or impossible for mi 2 interact wif them at all... but likely there's yik kwang arnd so can meet for lunch n aft work 2 go staff rec room... lol den tried out e facilities there... there got wii, k box, darts etc etc... its like wow!!!

hmm weekend went for a jc outing wif my gp teacher cos she came back frm usa... hahaha but seriously hv nth much 2 say also cos probably too tired when organising things n so on... hahah i guess i end here now.. bybeye

16th post

2008-02-14T23:24:00.005+08:00

today first day of work... wth damn xiong... got 2 do tis do tt run here run there, talk 2 ppl here talk 2 ppl there need 2 do registration counter, opening, closing, statement, delivery doc etc... wth come on its like CHILD LABOUR!!! working for 3 or mayb more dept... okok at least its tempt but i knw tt money is nv easy... so i'll save up definately...

today hv 2 learn almost everything cos e guy who was workin b4 mi goin 2 leave le... well so tts more or less abt it...

den aft work carol was waiting for mi outside my office i totally stun... den aft tt she cooked for mi n got mi a shaver i was like totally nth 2 say cos its out of my expectation totally... thanks thanks really

15th post

2008-02-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

happy new yr... haha today went n watch p.s. i love you... well i would say its nice but there's some part whr its quite boring cos cant really understand...

but i got to say tis movie let mi drop tears... seriously esp e part whr its e last letter, whr everything that e guy wanted to say hv come to an end... whr there is no more letters, no more instruction, no more fun, no more rules n lastly no more him... its damn painful really painful... but i guess i'm not e onli wan cryin hahaha other guys as well... seriously.. hmm i dropped tears at e pt when the letter said "its the end, where its not about buying lamps and taking care of yourself. its about how you get on with life and start loving." (not excatly word for word but rather e meaning)...

wa tis statement powerful sia... totally owned... cos i imagine myself in e girls shoe i was like sad totally sad sad sad... hai well tis movie can go watch as in give it a try no harm really...

14th post

2008-02-12T00:07:00.001+08:00

well ok... heard some rumors sayin tt alvl results will b out on fri... seriously its damn fast n scary cos its like damn not mentally prepared... well although i've set my target alr but e fear is still there... please i beg u 2 let mi enter into the course i desire... really hope 2 study tt subj...

well e main reason for studyin tt is because i not onli can help myself i can help others as well... because i knw my flaws n probs tts y i wan 2 major in the subj i wan so tt i can curb wif e stress level i hv as well as learn to take things easy... well its tough but i'll still try my best...

so please please please let mi enter into the course i wan... please

13th post

2008-02-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

hi guys... well nth much happen except went to my cousin hse 2 bet a little... n won abt 30 plus aft tt my 3 little cousin went 2 my place 2 stay over... den nth much la... lol

12th post

2008-02-08T02:35:00.001+08:00

hahaha so how's cny today...? or rather ytd... well i guess some will b enjoying while some will be like sian while some may enjoy a bit den sian later... jus hope tt u all enjoy ur cny... well if u ask mi did i enjoy my ans is...

is there anything wrong?

11th post

2008-02-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

firstly Happy Chinese New Yr... hahaha new yr new wishes well all i wish for is for my family to stop arguing n my dad to stop being so violent... hai i dun wan to take him on one day if he turn nasty...

next i hope for peace n calm 2 my brothers in ns n those who r not yet...

next i wish for my friends to b happy n enjoy their life...

lastly i wish for world peace n e price of our daily needs includes fares to reduce (even a little i'm also happy).

well some add on... hey dad stop being such a violent person will u stop forcing mi to e end will u, u pushed mi once n i dont wan to b pushed again so please i beg u stop it... dont always make me envious other families because their father wont hit their mother please jus stop everything jus stop... dont make mi hate u because for all i knw i hate myself because i hate myself of becoming the possibility of an mirror image of u... if i ever b like u i swear i really swear i'll jump off any building n put a rope on my neck before jumping... i wont let an image of u to be born in mi... yes i hv part of ur character but i will control it... i promise if u ever ever come into my character i swear i'll end it for once.

10th post

2008-02-06T09:11:00.000+08:00

lol... happy chinese new yr to all... hmm ytd went down to ocbc back for some interview yup so initially i tot i wont get it but in e end abt 9am they called and say that i've got e job... hahahaha 14feb start work... lol... finally out of jobless stage... hahaha

well feel so lucky to find a job... hahaha guys out there u can try going to tis web www.successhrc.com.sg to find job... lol

hmm today will be quite busy cos need to run errands for mum n also need 2 buy things n pay debt... hahaha den dunno tonight whether got gathering or not... lol well but no matter wad its a new yr a new beginning hahaha so take care everyone n enjoy taking red packets...
wondering around...

9th post

2008-02-04T19:58:00.000+08:00

well busy a little lazy to blog but ya well today went down for an interview and ok not bad i feel that its sort off the best agent i've been wif... hahaha den for weekends nth much jus tt acc brothers n also lj got a huge bear for agnes n ok i send it to sch today...

ok let's start frm sat... morinin went airport 2 send eileen off to aus... den went n dye my hair copper but apparently it turn out to b lighter den copper... aft tt went down 2 emage to see my teachers but on e way i got lost yup thanks... lol aft tt went out wif brothers n home...

sun nth much jus went amk wif my relatives at night n yup back at hm 2 slp... so tts rather abt wad happened...

sometimes i jus feel that i really dunno wad to do i really dunno how... how i wish things could jus.....

8th post

2008-02-01T18:41:00.000+08:00

well today went down to recruit express at nee ann city to find some job... to my surprise e ppl there a bit little... its like totally great singapore sales... lol but hope tt i can get a desire job rather den sales...

hmm one of my fren told mi tt i may not b suitable 2 b a psychologist... well actually its rather true cos i am easily tense up n tt i'm quite a pessimistic person as well... intially want 2 take up psychology cos i knw my flaws so i wan 2 take up psychology so as to treat myself n help others as well... hmm but nvm no matter wad i'll work hard towards my dream... well i believe tt one day i can find a cure to it...

7th post

2008-02-01T02:39:00.000+08:00

hey guys... well today went down to levi for interview... well sort off got e job but e prob is tt i need 2 work on weekends... i dun mind tt but wad if i need to sacrifice the time to meet up wif my friends n brothers??? hai den went to kelly today one shot offer mi shop n save i was like ... hai dunno la i jus feel so lousy n useless because i cant get things done well n right... well been jobless for months n others r employed n mi??? unemployed n nvm still keep spending my family income... den plus now more n more ERP up i feel that by learning how 2 drive is a bit useless cos next time i would take more of mrt rather den car... hai today was one freaking emo emo emo day for mi... jus pray hard for tml ba... really pray hard...

but deep down i knw i got to blame myself for all these... if i'm more stable i'll b in ns alr wif my brothers n not like now... probably worst den a wandering ghost...

6th post

2008-01-31T02:11:00.000+08:00

well just finish applying for some jobs thru some websites that eddie provided... thanks eddie....

hmm so for today nth happen jus helped out wif my family to clean the alter tables and stuff cos cny coming... oh i've sin today cos i didn't run well its damn painful wif all the aching feelings on my hand legs n stomach so i rested the run n i did some basic exercises... hmm lunch had sake sushi with carol... well i knw its quite useless aft training up n eat such a nice meal so i skip breakfast n dinner today in order to pay back...lol

but then i feel really damn guilty so i decided to run twice tml one in e morning n 1 at night... pray hard i make it please.. i seriously 1 2 lose weight n train up for ns... please please give me the determinations... hmm alright got to slp now tml waking up early... n ya carol all e best for ur test dont stress up...

5th post

2008-01-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

hahaha... hmm so i jus finish doing some touch-up to my blog... well i realise that actually its quite fun to edit html but it sure gets frustrated when things aren't going ur way...

hmm lets see today nth much happen well jus exercised as usual did 100 jumping jacks b4 running, ran for 20 mins n aft tt did 50 push-ups den 30 inclined pull-ups n i lift my feet for 45 degree up for abt 3 mins yup although its nth but den wa e muscle pain is kind of "entertaining"lol

jus watched harry potter vcd hmm dunno y got a bad bad feeling hahaha but i guess its due to e post movie effects... hahaha well my sleepin timing hv been changed n now i'm like awake!!! lol

oh heard tt a lvl result will be out aft cny well i knw its over but den e stress e fear e pressure is back... i cant afford to flung if i did den how will my future be? i knw tt education isn't everything but den i cant i hvmy mum n dad to feed i don't hv e privilege of siblings around to share my burden... well i really jus hope for the best n i really hope to get into ntu psychology because tts whr my passion lies tts whr i really hope to be... pray pray pray......

4th post

2008-01-29T01:43:00.000+08:00

hahaha... cant slp so i decided to blog... hahaha well now watching some show... hmm ok i admit its a bit no life but den i'm now looking for one... well i can say its desperate to find a job... cos its like i'm broke n i've no income...lol den cant keep spending my family's income...
hmm so went exercise today... erm apart frm doing sit-ups push-ups i also did jumping jack... hahaha but e best part is hahahaha i ran frm my hse to punggol park n back hahaha... although its nth but den to mi is sort off an achievement i think... but of course i'll keep on improving my target n i jus found out tt actually i can treat it as a form of sight-seeing as well.. hahaha to explore those places around mi that i've not been paying attention to...
well i guess its time to post smth emo ba... hmm sorry guys i jus feel some emo feelings coming to mi so i decided to write it out... hmm actually in my life i've let down uncountable people n if i ever 1 2 repay back i really cant i seriously cant... i admit i use to think i'm good at these good at that but in fact i'm not... well wad a joke i'm to hv these thoughts i let down my parents, i've let down montfort brothers, i've let down others and i hv also let down carol...
i always knw how 2 complain tt her temper her behaviour but in fact who doesn't hv temper who doesn't hv mood swing... in fact she hv done many things for mi, she has sacrifice many all for person called jeremy yes tts mi n wad i always thought was that i shower love n care for her n she will be love but in fact i'm wrong freaking wrong... in fact it takes tolerent n patient as well but i didn't notice it well in fact i'm blind... hai i knw wad is e past hv been the past... i can onli say i'm sorry for the past... take care n goodnight...
paiseh sorry tt it may sound too emo cos e thoughts jus suddenly came into my mind while listening to a song sang by xu ru yun n xiong tian ping ( i hope i spell it correctly ) oh e song is call ni de yan jing its means your eyes...

3rd post

2008-01-28T11:31:00.000+08:00

haha... here are some pictures of e hongkong trip i recently went..

sight-seeing while on the tram

me n uncle albert

arena of stars

inside of ocean park

outside of ocean park

the venetian hotel its very grandhello bush

royal familyme and ronnie

sight-seeing

macau when buying their famous goodies

hongkong tram moving at 45degree up

2nd post

2008-01-27T04:27:00.000+08:00

finally done wif my first blog... well it takes alot of time so i hv 2 say i'm a NOOB in blog... lol but thanks to carol n lianjie tt helped mi n sorry 2 disturb u all esp carol because keep fan-ing her...haha... well last nite went plaza coffee shop 2 chat n my brothers really kan dao mi alot... thanks thanks i'll change my attitude...

reach home arnd 2am... den was packing my study room n to my surprise i found a letter tt carol wrote for mi when i'm wif her... when i looked at it tears start 2 flow n i admit tt i was touched really touched... it may seem simple a card but e thoughts n time spend on the card was beyond words... carol really thanks for the cards really...

1st post

2008-01-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

well, its my first time posting a short blog up... eh decided 2 create a blog so as to rmb all e thoughts n feelings tt i've been thru cos my memory a bit nice... hmm recently all my buddies hv been bald n tt left onli mi lam nic arnd... well for lam n nic they r busy wif their poly stuff asfor mi i admit i deserve all these emo things because if i hv been stronger n control myself i wont even need a doc n i wont even need 2 declare n i wont even will hv my enlistment date being defer n i wont be here now n waiting for my call... well i admit ns 2 mi now is still unknown but den if i hv 2 choose i really really really 1 2 enter now or today or immediately... at least when pop i can like wif them n not when they come out den i go in... ever since we seperate from montfort its like we hv hardly meet up except for every sat n sometimes when free.. tot tt in ns can go in together but i'm jus freaking naive n freaking dumb 2 ever hope for e best... hai well i jus hv 2 blame myself all by myself tt i cant b wif them... n i'll hv 2 spend my rest of 3 months like alone... but of course there's lam n nic but den they still hv sch so cant keep disturb them... well actually ppl do ask y do i value them so much etc... if i really 1 2 draw back its like omg... well i'm always e black sheep of e grp n most of e time or rather all of e time i always create troubles n prob for them n they always helped mi w/o fail i always say tis 2 ppl who ask well no matter wad iowe them for who i am today, i may not be successful but if w/o them i guess i'll be 1 tt is worst den any beast on earth... i rmb once i tried 2 commit suicide n once they knw abt it they came over n talk 2 mi once i met an ah beng while playin bball, although its my freaking mouth 2 say him guai lan but actually he is la... den in e end lian jie wanted 2 help mi n he kena slap... n i still rmb my b'day they waited for mi outside my hse w/o letting mi knw so as 2 surprise mi... although in many eyes it may seem nth but 2 mi its everything... i always said tt my family frens n my gf r all incline together wif my life n tt w/o either 1 of them i wont b happy or rather i dunno wad i'll be...i guess i end here n i really hope for the best for them be it in ns or in poly... brothers all e best!!!